Managing Your Ego At Work Ego is your self image. It is how you see yourself in relation to others and the world. Ego also includes the compulsion we feel to defend the image. The ego is not real. It is a concept, an idea. We have these thoughts and urges within us and we call it “ego”. For something that is not real, the ego certainly gives us a lot of problems. The ego’s role is to form and to protect the images you have of yourself. If you think you are a “good manager”, then you will fight to protect that image whenever it seems threatened.
If someone criticizes you, you will feel defensive. Your defensiveness will have you withdrawing or attacking, neither of which are healthy responses. The ego feels threat and reacts with fear. Whenever you feel threatened or fearful, your ego is in charge. People react in negative ways because they feel threatened and unsafe. The best way you can manage this tendency is to make situations more safe. This means that you refrain from attacking others, because attack creates a situation where people feel threatened.
If you can help yourself and others feel safe, you can join and move forward toward positive goals. In order to help others you must first manage your own tendencies to react in fear. The first step to managing your ego is to step outside of it. Someone says something, you feel hurt or angry, stop. Step outside of yourself and ask yourself what is happening. For example, someone is criticizing your leadership and your are feeling threatened.
You want to put him in his place. Step outside of your emotions for a moment. Observe that this is the drama that is playing out, and that you don’t have to immerse yourself in it. As you observe the drama, move to step two. Outside of winning this fight or proving him wrong, what do you want? What do you want to come of this interaction? The second step is to clarify what you want. If you answer this question honestly, you will go beyond winning or avoiding losing, or putting someone in their place.
While these ego goals may seem satisfying at first, they get in the way of what you really want. What you want is to resolve a problem, or to improve a relationship, or to gain an opportunity—if you follow your ego urges, will that help you to achieve what you really want? By questioning the goals of the ego (winning, putting someone else in his place, making someone wrong, putting yourself in the clear, preserving your image, etc.) you allow yourself to reset the situation.
You can then create a worthwhile goal where others may join with you. Let’s replay. Someone criticizes your leadership. You feel angry and offended, but you stop and koparka ostrówek sprzedam observe. You know that if you respond with defensiveness or attack, it won’t change anyone’s mind.
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